A divorce is practically always an emotional, complicated, and sometimes overwhelming ordeal, and it is never pretty. But it is also a fact of life that divorces are happening almost every minute somewhere around the world, so if you find yourself in a situation where you and your spouse are getting separated, you might want to know how you can help stay above water, so to speak, both practically and emotionally.
Of course, there is so much material on this that many whole books could easily be filled, but let us just take a look at a few things that might help you push through this hard time.
This may be incredibly difficult to see through, especially when you feel like you have been wronged and are in the right, and so on, but try to choose the more peaceful divorce option. You can, of course, battle it out in court, fighting every inch, perhaps even over your children if you have any, or make an agreement. There are plenty of divorce strategies to choose from. Take some time to do your homework and try to work something out; this will be better for everyone involved. Try to pick the right people for the right job; for example, if you are discussing property, take a look at this expert San Diego property division attorney, and you will quickly find one burden taken off of you. Choose the option that is going to make your divorce as peaceful as possible.
Give Yourself a Break
Understand that you are going to feel and function at less-than-optimal levels for a while. Don’t try to overtax yourself in the hope of compensating and catching up, so to speak. Perhaps you are not as productive on the job as you were or cannot take care of others with all the attention and care you are accustomed to. This is completely normal; you are going through an extremely difficult time that is overwhelming for many. Nobody is Superman or Supergirl, so take some time, allow yourself to slowly heal and recuperate, regroup, and slowly get back on your feet. Often, the person hardest on you is yourself. Don’t let that happen; push back.
A divorce is a lot, and it is far too tempting to just crawl away somewhere, close your eyes, and pretend none of it is happening. But you are too smart to know that won’t change or solve anything. You cannot allow yourself to be a passive, timid observer of your own divorce because this is your process, and you have to take control of the situation. Listen to whatever professional you have chosen and take their advice into consideration, but at the end of the day, you have to be the one making the decisions. If you take an active role in the divorce, regardless of whether you are the initiator or not, hopefully your divorce will take less time, sap less energy from you, and end up costing you less money.
Don’t Wing It Alone
Always remember that no matter how isolated you may feel, you are not alone. Share with your family and friends as you try to get through this stressful period in your life; perhaps even join a support group or something of the sort where you can talk to people who have been in similar situations to yours. Isolation is actually really not good for you, as it raises your stress levels, which are already in quite an uproar, lessens your concentration, messes with your work, and negatively impacts your relationships and even your health.
Keep Your Integrity
Regardless of how betrayed or wrathful you might feel, no matter how much your spouse may be hammering away at those buttons, do not let them win and take your integrity. Stay off social media, don’t vent all the dirty little details of your divorce to anyone who is willing to listen for 5 seconds, and don’t start badmouthing your spouse to your children or family, even if they are doing the same about you. You are better than that. Bite your tongue, take as many deep breaths as it takes, and rise above the occasion. Do not let the divorce ruin your character and the rest of your life.
Yes, this is definitely a lot easier said than done, but you have to try. Things are different, yes, and difficult, but making new friends, finding new hobbies, and moving forward in life with reasonable expectations will help make the transition easier. Try to be flexible and bend, but don’t break. If you have children, remember that family traditions are important, as much for you as for them, even if they have to be adjusted now. Make sure your children understand that none of this is their fault; reassure them and listen to their concerns, and maintain their routines and stability as best you can, so they can tackle one thing at a time instead of being completely thrown into the deep end.
The Big Picture
Stay focused on what matters in the end – the big picture. Keep in mind that the decisions you make at this point during the divorce process will affect you and your family for years to come, so do not get bogged down in meaningless, petty semantics or try to prove to the world that you are in the right. Nobody wins when it comes to divorce, but as long as you focus on what is truly important, like your children and your future, you might pull through and reach an amicable settlement.
Divorces are messy, emotional, and high-strung by definition, with a lot of stress involved, but if you stay focused on yourself and on what matters, as long as you don’t let your principles and integrity run away from you, you can push through. Push through, but also in as amicable a manner as can be possible, where both parties reach an agreement. This is the optimal outcome and the one you should strive toward.